Thanksgiving 2011 was another great trip to Long Island to see family, relax and enjoy spending time together. Among so many memories, conversations, good meals, belly laughs and blessings, we took time to go as a family to visit Cedar Hill Cemetery. While that may be a gloomy topic of conversation and may spoil the mood of all the time we spent giving thanks over the holiday, I believe that is where thanks is most deserved. Nevertheless, my motivation tonight for posting a blog entry is not to share about a cemetery visit or to reflect on our lost loved ones, but instead to comment on how the little things that often go undetected can be so meaningful. Connor, or should I say Thomas Connor Terry, is standing among many Terry's in the picture. He's still too young to really understand where his name came from, but he knows that he is standing beside his great grandfather with the same name while facing his great, great grandfather up on the hill also with the same name while his father takes his picture,...who shares the same name. And there is even more to tell, but that will wait until he ages some more. Standing there, Connor said little and ran around the place more than he participated in any discussions. It wasn't until tonight that he shared his thoughts and began talking about it during bedtime.
Jenn and her mother went out for the night. I had the kids for the night. For me, it was a long day, but spending time with Connor and Carly almost always rejuvenates me and keeps me positive. Among the chaos and bedtime routines there is almost always a moment that I am so grateful for and that makes me feel so blessed to be a father. Tonight, was no different.
I chose to tuck Carly in first and then went to Connor's room. As we settled in and I was getting him all tucked in, he surprised me with his questions. "Daddy, why do girls change their name when they get married?" "When I get married will that happen too and will the girl have the same name?" I will spare you my answers, but this sparked a deeper conversation. We talked briefly about his name, where it came from, how he is the only boy with the Terry name, and that his name is special.
Afterwards there was a brief moment of silence.
"Daddy, thank you for my name. When you die I will always keep my name and when I have a son I want him to have the same name too".
Now the brief moment of silence was for me.
I was proud. I told him I would like that and hope he has a son one day. "Daddy, I'm sorry I said you were going to die, that would be really sad wouldn't it"? I told him not to worry, I will be around a long time. I pray I do meet his son one day and have the same opportunities my grandfathers did with me to share stories and memories down to the younger generations. That will be special.
So, we talked a little more and I did not want to lose the learning moment. It just so happened that after our visit to the cemetery, I felt a strange desire to find another landmark that would be meaningful to Connor one day and so we found a sign in Terryville that was on Terryville Road. We pulled over and the Terry guys all stood by it and smiled. (This is not easy to convince my Dad AND brother AND son at the same time that this is a good idea, but it happened and worked out this time!) I reminded Connor of the picture we took and explained to him that he was named after some of the people that were responsible for Terryville. It wasn't the first time I has shared this with him, but you could almost see the light bulb turn on and the pride he felt. It was a memorable moment. One that I feel blessed to have had time to experience.
While he may soon grow to realize he was not born into wealth and amazing good fortune, or he may not be the next generation of a famous family in People Magazine, or even be among the children who have families that have accomplished incredible heroic feats, he will know that he is a Terry. That may not be meaningful to anyone but us, but I believe that giving children a sense of pride in their identity and allowing them to learn about their heritage is priceless. All too frequently I meet with students who are lost, unsure of who they are, searching for esteem, self-worth and more confidence. It is alarming. I only hope that I can foster this sense of confidence somehow in my children and I have learned tonight that it is often the little things we do that get our children thinking and asking the right questions. This time it was a visit to the cemetery and a drive around Terryville that stuck with him. The result was this picture that will last a lifetime and hopefully stir up even more questions one day:
Good night Thomas Connor Terry. You are one special kid! I love you.
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